Mean girl

It's so f*cking hot outside. Seriously, where are we? Is this Texas? No? It's not...then why am I sweating like it is?
Alisa and I were talking about the Olympics over lunch. I told her how this weekend when I was babysitting was my first time watching any of this year's events. If I'd had my say, I would have put it on something/anything else, but these two kids who's ages combined don't add up to mine somehow took control of the remote. I just wanted them to like me, so I didn't fight it. Anyway, that's not the point. I'm not sure I have a point. Oh yeah...gymnastics. I remember as a child thinking that the gymnasts were so pretty. But after watching an E! special "Big Dreams, Little Girls" I've come to the realization that either I was blinded by their celebrity or actually had no concept of the word "pretty". Shannon Miller...(warning: extremely rude comment ahead) she was not attractive by any definition of the word. In fact, she was almost hard to look at ugly. And what was with the haircuts? Amanda Borden, Kerri Strug...were they trying to look ugly or were they just channeling Mary Lou, thinking "if I have her haircut, maybe I too can be on a Wheaties box." Celebrities are held up to a different standards of beauty, and as Olympic gymnasts, they constitute as people we celebrate. I tend to only think of celebrities in the sense of J. Lo and Gwyneth Paltrow and others like them. Regardless, I find myself saying the most awful statements about these people that I would never say about a regular person. Regular? That sounds so depressing. So it's either "I'm famous" or "I'm regular"? I should have chosen my words more carefully. Where was I? I guess I feel a little guilty that not only do I think these things, but I have the audacity to write them down for others to read. Why would I want people to know how truly "ugly" I can be? And so I'm back w/ the rambling. I'm switching topics.
How about this: People I hate. I use this word too much, when in reality I've never truly hated anyone. No one has ever done anything bad enough to me to warrant the feeling of pure hatred. But yet I toss the word around in various conversations or as stand alone statements:
"I hate Hillary Duff"
"I hate Paris Hilton"
"I hate Tara Reid"
I don't really "hate" these girls...I think I just despise them. But they've never done anything to me personally (except for my run in w/ the Duff, or the money I'll never get back for "Mean Girls"...wait, I didn't list Lindsay Lohan). Maybe I just enjoy trash talking these slut-ebrities. I have to admit, it's a fun topic of conversation. Just bashing their existence. Or maybe I just need more going on in my own life.
Reagan

I am the servant of the power behind the nothing

So I get to work this morning and my phone isn't working. Tuesday- you already suck and it's only 9:51 am. (I'm sorry to be so harsh Tuesday...it's just that, in all honesty, you are the worst day of the week)
Last night I watched Dinner for Five b/c Dave Eggers was one of the guests. I love this man. I'm a little obsessed w/ him. I remember reading HWOSG and having a crush on him b/c I found him so unbelievably funny/witty/brilliant. It's weird to see him in the flesh as opposed to the mental image I had when I read the book. I bet it would be a little like meeting me in person...you assume I'm this gorgeous specimen of a human being (it's the way I describe watching tv that does it for you) when in all actuality I'm struggling for "I could do worse". Oh, self deprication.
What else did I do last night? Let me think...I layed around, and then I layed around some more. Yeah, I'm not one for mixing it up. You should know this by now.
I'm ready for the weekend, my reasons being 3-fold:
1) Emily and Bre will be here.
2) I like the weekend.
3) I hate work.
Okay, on to a serious note. I feel like I can no longer ramble on about nothing. Not b/c it's pointless (that's another issue altogether) but b/c I have nothing left to say. How can I run out of stuff to talk about when all I talk about is nothing? You can't run out of nothing, can you? I knew this day would come, but I thought it would be when I was older and probably too senile to realize it. Not at 24, not now. I hope my friends will keep me around, to remember the good times.
R.

I see you're drinking 1% milk. Is that because you think you're fat? Because you're not. You could probably be drinking whole milk.

I don't feel like doing the obligatory weekend recap. I always end up rambling too much about stuff that wasn't even interesting at the time so why should it even be repeated. But for those of you patiently awaiting news of my weekend, here are the broad strokes.

Friday: Went on a party bus (more like a party van/limo, but that's neither here nor there), participated in a pole dancing contest, have found my new calling (just need to lose 20 lbs, get enormous breast implants, rid myself of my morality and I will be one awesome stripper...I'm taking suggestions for my new name...something slutty yet sweet)

Saturday: Slept all day, babysat that night (I need the extra cash), watched several episodes of "All Grown Up" (a tv show w/ the Rugrats, but older...a little weird...I'm waiting for "Doug: The College Years"), baked chocolate chip cookies.

Sunday: Cleaned my house (hardcore cleaned...Cinderella style, on my hands and knees), ate remaining chocolate chip cookies, watched the VMA's at Justin's that night, realized that I am out of touch w/ the new MTV generation b/c I have no idea who L'il John is and didn't know that Jay Z had retired (I didn't realize he was 65...he looks good for his age)

I was in the worst mood this morning, up until about 20 mins ago. I was really pissed off for no reason whatsoever. Maybe it's the fact that I hate my haircut. But I'm going to get that fixed tonight...I just want to feel pretty. I don't think that's it. It's really hard to get out of a funk when you have no idea what's bothering you. Here's what did it for me: 3 days until Emily and Bre arrive. I'm so ready.
R.

Your sandy hair floats in the air... To me it's like a lullaby... I'm just flying by... Oh so high... like a kite...

So Juliet (check side panel) thinks I post too much. You know what...I do. But what else am I going to do for entertainment...if I have no one to talk to, might as well talk to myself. Here. For anyone else to read if they're bored like me. So there you go. Hmmpphhh...post too much. Actually, that's not even really what she said. She just stated a fact...I do indeed post 2-3 times per day. She also said I "never really write about anything." Juliet, Juliet...this is life. Real, honest to God, life. But the lowest form of it...that of crippling boredom lacking any inspiration or motivation to get myself out of this. So I'll just coast...we've been over what this means.
I'm going to just keep talking about me writing in this blog. I don't know why I hate saying that word...blog. It makes me feel like just another loser w/ nothing else to do. Someone who thinks they have something important to say. I don't. Honestly, most of what I say isn't worth reading (most=99%). And I don't really care who reads it b/c I don't think anyone does except my friends and if that's the case, then so be it.
I do envy those who have the "f*cking hilarious" market covered. I don't want to name names, don't like to inflate egos, and they're not reading anyway. Do they know they're funny? Or are they so cool they don't care? I wonder what that would be like...
I want to become completley comfortable w/ who I am...cue the "Full House" sentimental music...but I'm really ready to stop fixating on why certain people may not like me or stop feeling so uncomfortable in public b/c I feel like people are looking at me, and not in a good way. This should be a new goal of mine, I don't really have one right now.
It's about time I wrap this up. But I'm so bored I just can't stop typing. B/c I know when it's over, I'll have nothing to do. I'll just sit here, maybe searching the internet but frankly that bores me. I get tired of it after 5 minutes. I think this strongly reflects on my personality...I'm the type of person who waits for my turn to talk rather than listens to what the other person of saying.
Reagan

Oh, the humanity!

Yesterday was the worst day of all time. Why, you ask. B/c our freakin' internet was down all afternoon. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't really work b/c a lot of what I do involves being online and using email. I always wondered what people did at work before they had the internet and now I know- a lot of pointless crap. After I filed all I could file and organized all I could organize, I was still left w/ nothing to do and 4 hours to go. I played a little solitaire, a little hearts, and even discovered that we have Microsoft Money Manager and worked on my finances. And that was my afternoon.
On to other business...I did indeed get a haircut yesterday and I only have this to say: at least I have my personality.
The A's (meaning Alisa and Ashley for those of you not in my head) and I played a little threesome of poker last night for fun, but I just couldn't do it right w/ nothing at stake. So we played that the two losers would by the winner a drink. And let me tell you, that drink tasted so much sweeter than if I'd bought it myself.
I'm dying for Emily and Bre to arrive. 6 days.
It's Friday. And I'm so happy. That it's Friday.
Reagan

You know you want it

I just wrote an entire post about a dream I had last night, but it didn't publish and now it's gone. Good riddance, it was pretty depressing.
I can't seem to win at Scrabble. Ever. Alisa and I played last night and she kicked my a**. Like 50 points kicked my a**. I'm so ashamed. Why can't I spell big words w/ "Z" and "Q"? Afterwards, we played Scattergories and oh how the tables turned. You only wish you could have seen the look on her face when I pulled out some double letter answers...
Famous Females- letter "S"- Sally Struthers...BAM! B*tch goes down.
And all you had was Sandra Berhardt. Please, I could have double "s"-ed around you all day long. Susan Sarandon. Sherri Stringfield. The list goes on.
I'm very upset that it's not Friday. I think I'm going to get a haircut tonight. I need one...desperately. I just want to be pretty, you know? And how can that happen if my hair looks like sh*t. B/c looks are everything. I don't want to be one of those girls people describe as having a "good personality"...though I do have one, I like to think. I want guys (or gals...I don't discriminate) to say, "Man, I'd like to hit that." You know, b/c that's so charming. Or maybe, "I'd get w/ that". Basically, I just want guys to refer to me as "that". It makes me feel special.
R.

WTF???

CHICAGO, Illinois (AP) -- The state of Illinois sued the Dave Matthews Band on Tuesday for allegedly dumping up to 800 pounds of liquid human waste from a bus into the Chicago River, dousing a tour boat filled with passengers (www.cnn.com)
R.

Naked pictures of Bea Arthur

I'm bored and it's lunchtime and I'm too broke to go out to eat w/ my coworkers and Alisa abandoned me for a doctor's appointment so I'm just sitting at my desk eating my sandwich.

Bea Arthur caught w/ a pocketknife in her handbag at the airport.
She claims the 'The terrorists put it there' but I think it was one of 3 people: Blanche, Sophia, or Rose. Or wait....could it have been Stanley???

Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston to adopt a baby
The adoption process can take years, so I hope you know what you're in for. Oh wait, you're famous. You're baby will be there tomorrow.

"My daddy's the president"
The Bush twins have been hitting Manhattan like a bong in frat house. Their secret service names are "Twinkle" and "Turquoise" but might I suggest these instead: "I hate you" and "I hate you more"

My new obsession: www.gossiplist.com
It's categorized by name, dirt, and more dirt. My favorite so far:
Name: Anderson Cooper
Dirt: Likes ecstasy and freaky sex
More dirt: Drools nastily when kissing

Back to work. And yes, my sandwich was delicious.
R.

So yesterday

So I've been in LA for over a year, yet am still fascinated when I see celebrities in public. I thought they all lived in a plastic bubble where all the pretty people could associate and breed w/ each other. And sometimes the ugly people too...Kid Rock, you know who I'm talking about. I digress...so Ashley and I are walking down Melrose when I see this person who looks remarkably like Hillary Duff. But I think to myself, "She's too pretty to be Hillary Duff"....and as I'm thinking this I guess I just kept staring at her. Then I notice that she's giving me the most evil look I have ever received in my life, the type of glare that pierces your soul and burns your retinas. At this point I realize it is in fact Hillary....and apparantly she's the devil incarnate. I'm not exagerrating, I've never seen such a b*tch. I felt for a fleeting moment that she might kick my a**. How funny would that be?
I'm counting down the days (8) until Emily and Bre make the trip from Texas to LA for 5 days of nonstop crazy/mad/wonderful fun. I'm going to make love to both of you (but just as friends, I don't want a relationship).
Reagan

What would you do if I sang out of tune...

After seeing a picture of Paul from "The Wonder Years" (www.lindsayism.com) I had to think, what happened to other tv/movie stars I fancied in the 80's. Not the ones that get asked to be on a VH1 special, but just the random one-time quasi celebs I remember.
1) Christopher Pettiet- "Don't tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead"- and so is he...accidental drug overdose. I thought he was so "fine" that I remember getting so excited when they put a picture of him in Big Bopper. He was never a big star, so I think there was only one, maybe two.
2) Bill Allen- aka Cru Jones in "Rad"...it's difficult to really find anything on him since his name is so common. Maybe it's the same Bill Allen now doing real estate. Or maybe it's the same Bill Allen who has his own geneology web page (except that guy looks about 90, so I doubt it). All I know is this: Nothing will ever top his bike dancing scene w/ Lori Loughlin to Real Life's "Send me an angel"...Do you believe in heaven above, Do you believe in love, Don't tell me a lie, Don't be false or untrue, It all comes back to you...
3) Brigette Anderson- "Savannah Smiles" and "Parent Trap II"....I promise, I'm not only trying to find dead people, but yet another one lost to an accidental drug overdose. What the f*ck is going on...is anyone from the 80's still alive? Her counterpart in "Parent Trap II", Carrie Kei Heim (aka Pippi Longstocking...another favorite), took a different path- she's now a lawyer, just like Mr. Saviano. So I guess child actors come to a crossroads where they say, "Law school...or heroin."
Well kids, my time searching IMDB has come to an end.
Reagan
Oh, by the way...there is an actress out there with the same name as me. She is 17 and from Texas. Just like me, except I'm 24 and not an actress. And she spells it differently. Ever wonder if there's someone out there with your name, playing hookers or pedophiles or god knows what??!!!

You got it (the right stuff)...Didn't I (blow your mind)...I'll be loving you (forever)...and other songs w/ parentheses

Okay, so I'm chatting online w/ this other assistant who is amusing me w/ stories of phones calls she gets re: one tween superstar who will remain nameless b/c I'm paranoid about exposing too much info about my job. Some kids will actually call and ask "Is ******* there?" as if she's just hanging out at the office. (I love how I'm acting like my job is really that top secret or that I really can't reveal this person's name...it's probably not that big of deal). Here's my favorite: "I'm Taylor, and I'm *******'s best friend and I lost her phone number" Nice try idiot. But then we started thinking of things we did when we were 8 or 10 or whatever age these stalkers are. I sent New Kids on the Block and invitation to my 4th grade birthday party. And I honestly thought they would come, even at age 9 (I think?) I thought it would be a great PR opportunity for them. What's funny, is that if they had come, it would have been the 5 guys and 4 girls, all under the age of 10. What the hell would we have done? I'm thinking spin the bottle. Or truth or dare. Maybe 7 minutes in heaven? I mean, I know Jordan and I would have hit it off. Big time.
Switching gears, I was just talking to James about the difference b/w being settled and coasting. I guess the difference is that settled is when you're content and coasting is when you know you're not content but you're not going to do anything about it. I'm definitely coasting. B/c I don't like being spoken to on daily basis like I'm a f*cking 6 yr old who just smeared paint on the walls. Especially when it makes me wonder if I am the idiot I'm made out to be. I hope not.
R.

Fictionalized version of real life events

I have to say, it's been a while since I've watched "The Daily Show" and I feel like an idiot for missing something that I know is guaranteed to make me laugh and on occasion, think. The explanation for my sabbatical is that it comes on every night at the same time as "The Family Guy"....which I watched fervently for the past few months until I realized I'd seen the same episode at least 5 times and I was laughing before the jokes even happened. So I needed something new...or something old made new again. Enter Jon Stewart.
If you haven't checked out Ashley's post today, I suggest you get your a** over there, b/c she posted a link to this hilarious game involving the Olsen twins. I won't post the link here to avoid being repetitive. But just as a teaser, the game begins as follows: Hey Ashley! Got any blow? You're intrigued, right?
Ashley and I (get used to this phrase, we are domestic partners) watched a movie on Lifetime last night which was part of their Lifetime Movie Gold series. I don't know what this entails, how you get the gold medal in the category of television movies, but if you watch "Empty Cradle" starring Kate Jackson and Lori Loughlin, you'll suddenly understand their criteria for this label. Here's the premise: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0106808/plotsummary
It's too much to type. Or copy and paste.
But this is what really got me. They had viewers, remarkably all from Texas and all complete idiots, opining on the movie during commercial breaks. One woman claimed to be "on the edge of her seat" while another claimed Kate Jackson's performance was "so convining"...paging Roger Ebert, I think we've found a replacement for that Roeper guy. Okay, I'm laughing at myself for just saying "paging Roger Ebert". But who am I to insult these fine southern women, I too watched the entire movie for one purpose....How the hell is Lori Loughlin going to get her baby back????
Reagan

Red, white, and blah

A friend just said to me "I'm being so obsessive...I feel like you." This first made me laugh, then made me think "that's sad." Sad that she would associate me w/ obsessive behavior and sad that it's a completely relevant association. So I like to dwell on things a little more than would be considered "normal." It keeps me on my toes.
Last night I watched this special on "The Surreal Life" and have never felt more pathetic. It's one thing to watch the show, but then to watch the behind the scenes of a reality show...what is happening to me? I'm not going to lie, I was interested to see who's in the new cast...Dave Coulier (aka "Joey" from Full House & former annoying uncle to the Olsen twins) and Jordan Knight (member of NKOTB & former obsession of mine...when I was 10) have to be my favorites this season. I have to wonder...does Dave think the Olsen's are hot? I know, it's sick that I would even presuppose this, but c'mon...you know he's thought about it.
On another note, I don't know why, but I feel a little guilty that I haven't been watching the Olympics. Everyday my co-worker comes in and says, "Did you see?" And everyday I reply w/ "See what?" B/c I don't know. I have no clue who's winning. Frankly, I find the majority of it pretty boring. Except gymanstics...yeah, I like it, but why watch that when I can watch some other crap that is only making me stupider. Or is it more stupid? See, it's working already. I guess my point is this: I don't want to be made to feel un-American just b/c I don't watch the Olympics. I've seen the looks. But part of me wants to be able to say, "Yes I did see...it was amazing!" Only I can change this.
Reagan

I want to invent something so that I will never have to work again

I'm so f*cking tired this morning. I don't think I can function. And there's no creamer for the coffee. Not a good way to start out the day. I'm also really sore for some reason, as if I was beaten w/ a baseball bat (albeit a plastic one). All fingers point to Ashley (why do you want to hurt me???) Yesterday all I did was lay around on my a** all day, with my only trip outdoors being a 1 hour excursion to hunt down a taco bell (sadly, an unsuccessful venture). So...this weekend. Friday night I went to the birthday party of this girl Sarah that Alisa knew from Emerson. We got there around 11, which I now realize is way too early when you don't know everyone/anyone. So we stood around uncomfortably for about an hour, barely holding a conversation w/ each other, just looking around for anyone who would want to talk to us. It's sad, but true. We decided we weren't going to get trashed, but just wanted to get to a "comfortable" level of drunk so we wouldn't feel awkward. Silly girls. We even realized during this discussion that the difference b/w being comfortable and being completely f*cked up is about two drinks. And I easily crossed this line into being obliterated. So I'm sure I made an a** out of myself, but that's nothing new. Who cares, I had fun. Felt like sh*t the next day, but a good time nonetheless. Saturday I went to Sunset Junction....after pre-partying at Justin's for several hours, we headed down to try and catch Ben Kweller, which we did, the last few songs at least. I danced like an idiot and didn't care. Until, during the Donnas, I realized I was standing directly next to this guy I know. All of the sudden I felt very self conscious. Maybe it was the fact that when we made eye contact he said, "Reagan, I knew that was you being annoying." I'm kind of pissed off at myself, why should I have cared what he thought? But after that, I just wasn't dancing as furiously as before. I was left just bobbing my head. Like everyone else. What really made this weekend awesome is that I met at least 4 new people, all of whom I'm sure (hoping) I'll see again. I really love meeting new people, it's one of my favorite things to do. Sh*t....time to actually do work. I wasn't ready for this.
Reagan

Dancing with myself

Okay, here's a random guy from the new movie "Mean Creek" that I find attractive. http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1310709/ Is it just me? He looks hot in the previews. And in the pictures, but only the ones from the movie, not anything else really. And apparantly he grew up in Texas. Hey, so did I...it's fate. Is this what it's come to...me looking up random guys on IMDB and declaring my love. Mabye I need to get some a** this weekend, my reasons being two fold: 1) I'm sexually frustrated and 2) I'd have something interesting to write about on Monday. I guess I could always keep it to myself, but if I don't tell anyone, it's like it didn't happen, right? I'm so immature. Will I ever start acting like an adult? And what exactly does that entail, b/c I'm not sure if I'm up for it. I wish...I wish...I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her, I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a six four Impala.
Yes, I think I'm ready to meet someone who might want to spend more than a night w/ me. So maybe getting a** is the wrong approach. Should I act more demure? Are there certain things I should/should not say? Do I need to change...and if I do, would I want to? I can't believe that this is neverending.
Reagan

Pointless post about popcorn

I just had the best thing ever...cinnamon toast crunch flavored popcorn. Sounds crazy, right? I'm telling you, it's so delicious I can't stand it. This is the biggest benefit of my job (and what has the most potential to make me a fat a**): people constantly bringing us food to win our affection. It doesn't work and we often complain about having too much stuff tempting us to gorge ourselves, but every now and then something like cinnamon toast crunch popcorn happens and makes it all worth it.
This cracked me up. I laughed out loud for 10 minutes. Talking to Mike about his guys night, he had this to say: "we're going to buy a shit load of ice cream, talk about who's getting fat, and just be big bitches." I'm still laughing.
Back to the popcorn...IT'S SO F*CKING GOOD!!! Sorry, but it is. Even when I can stop eating it for one second, I'm still thinking about it.
R.

Corrections/Apolgies/Retractions: Mike did not insinuate in any way that this was an original joke.

This is BS! That's short for bullshit

Aaaahhh....Friday. I love this day.
Today's quote comes compliments of Ali G. In case you care. I just can't come up w/ anything on my own and frankly these quotes amuse me.
So I saw this picture in In Touch of Madonna wearing a t-shirt reading "Kabbalists (sp?) do it better" Do they? Really? Well, now I'm in. If I'd had known this before, I would have been sporting my red-string bracelet months ago. I don't even know why I felt the need to comment on this, I just can't stop myself.
IMDB must really be lacking on stories....one headline reads "Farrell Will Continue to Party Hard". Good to know, thanks for keeping us updated. What, did nothing happen w/ Courtney Love this week? Or what about Micheal Jackson, have we forgotten about him?
Want to see something funny? I'm sure you do. Check this out:
www.whitehousewest.com
I wish I knew anything about html so I wouldn't have to keep posting the entire link on my posts. Mark tried to tell me via email, but I just didn't get it. I'm an idiot when it comes to computers, I just know where the "on" switch is and that's about it. Funny, b/c my mom's a computer programmer. Not that funny, but a little bit, no? Maybe ironic? Am I using 'ironic' incorrectly? I don't want to be like Alanis.
I'm ready for the weekend. Shocker. My plans, you ask? Well, I'm going to Sunset Junction tomorrow where for the low price of $10 I can see such acts as Har Mar Superstar, Ima Robot, The Donnas, and Ben Kweller. I'll probably hate it b/c it will be crowded. I hate crowds. But what else am I going to do? Sunday I really want to go back to this flea market at Melrose/Fairfax. But I'm broke, so that would probably just make me sad, all that crap and no money to buy anything.
Reagan

You were adopted, your parents don't love you

I don't know why I'm obsessed w/ using either movie quotes or song lyrics for my title. I guess I'm just not that creative.
I was just reminiscing about this time I went out w/ Pankti and her law school friends a few years ago. As Emily said of her experience: "I've never seen more drunken miscreants than at the law school mixer." Funny...what I remember is how they kept adding law jargon into their jokes. For example, anytime they were ready to go to the next bar someone would quip, "motion for change of venue." And they'd all laugh. And I'd smile uncomfortably. I wish I could remember they're softball team name ...it was some funny play on a law term. Go figure.
OMG...Steven Seagal the rock star. Check it out people.
http://www.stevenseagal.com/music.html
He looks like he's about to make love to his guitar...if he hasn't already.
Reagan

Getting two tickets to an execution is like getting two tickets to NASCAR, except you *know* Jeff Gordon's gonna die

I overdrew on my checking account. F*ck. And now I'm on hold w/ the bank to ask why my overdraft coverage isn't working. I don't want to be charged $66 in fees...especially when I don't have $66. So here's what I did (I'm such an a**hole): I called the main banking number and claimed that a teller at the bank had given me incorrect information re: linking my checking account to my credit card (b/c as it turns out for overdraft protection it's actually linked to my savings account, which is empty). So I start raising my voice (not yelling, but I'm definitely giving an attitude) about how I shouldn't be charged for their employee's mistake (which never really happened) and then I ask to speak to the manager. After a little complaining and reprimanding of the Bank of America family as a whole for poor customer service, the manager agrees to reverse my fees and I'm no longer in the negatives (those damn red numbers!) And this is not the first time I've done something like this. I don't know why I would admit to all of that, but seeing as how I'm pure evil, I find it kind of funny.
On another note, my new favorite show is Reno 911. It's hilarious.
R.

It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice

There are just some people out there you will never get over. I don't want to go into too much detail, but if it was something that had ended badly, I could pick up the pieces and move on. But when it's something that has yet to happen (but in my mind someday *hopefully* will) it's so difficult to erase this image of perfection that makes everyone else seem subpar. A girl can dream. It kind of pisses me off b/c I'll always be looking for someone just like him and there really isn't anyone that could ever match up. Sigh.
Last night Jessica called me b/c she had a free ticket to the Trainwreck show (w/ Kyle G. from Tenacious D) so I hopped immediately into the shower to get ready for the outing. However, when I got out of the shower, she had called to tell me the show was cancelled. So it was back to my original plan of laying around, albeit w/ soaking wet hair. I watched this movie called "Dopamine" on the Sundance channel that I really like, though I'm not sure why. I just did. But I only saw the first 45 mins and last 5 mins b/c Pankti called me to chat and I felt guilty not answering (considering I've been doing this a lot lately). I also tried to write a little on this story I came up w/ yesterday. I can't write for sh*t, so I gave up pretty quickly. But it's still in my head, so maybe it will come out again when I feel inspired.
Yesterday I was in the worst mood, the kind where I felt like I was going to cry for no reason. This ended around 9 last night, thank f*cking god. I don't know if I could have taken it much longer. Emotional instability is a b*tch. But today is much better b/c... ain't nobody gonan break my stride, ain't nobody gonna bring me down, oh no, I've got to keep on moving (may or may not be actual lyrics...you get the gist)
Yours truly,
Reagan

I ask this one thing of you...

I'm interested in finding out what other people consider to be the biggest issue in their life right now. I'm always complaining about my job or my personal life or celebrities or pretty much anything that pops into my head. But when I think about the biggest thing that scares the sh*t out of me, it's that I can't imagine my future. I can't picture anything- it's blank. So, if you'll be so kind as to post what, at this point in time, is really f*cking with your sanity, I would appreciate it. I kind of just want to compare and contrast. You can just post anonymously if you don't want anyone to know. It will be our little secret.
Reagan
My personal estimation: 2 comments.

Brilliant!

Anyone out there who's a Wes Anderson fan like myself should check out the preview for "The Life Aquatic" @ yahoo movies.
This man is a genius in my opinion. No other writer or director or writer/director can hold a candle to him. Here are a few of my favorite lines from his films (I can copy and paste like nobody's business):

Bottlerocket:
Dignan: Bob Mapplethorpe, potential get-away driver: go!
Bob: Well, I think there's a real air of mystery about me.
Dignan: Don't complicate it. Your number one strength is you have a car you can provide. Sell yourself! Start over. Ready, go!
Bob: Okay, alright. I'm a risk taker! I'm growin' an entire crop of marijuana plants in my parents back yard! I think that shows...
Dignan: Wait, you're growing an entire crop of marijuana in your back yard?
Bob: Dignan, look. I'm just not very good at this selling-yourself stuff, okay? So, I'm just gonna tell you the truth. I really wanna be a part of this team. And I'm the only one with a car.
Dignan: That's good. That's good. 'Cause that hits me right here.

Rushmore:
Max Fischer: The truth is, neither one of us has the slightest idea where this relationship is going. We can't predict the future.
Rosemary Cross: We don't have a relationship.
Max Fischer: But we're friends.
Rosemary Cross: Yes, and that's all we're *going* to be. Well, yes...
Max Fischer: That's all I meant by "relationship." You want me to grab a dictionary?

The Royal Tenenbaums:
Eli: I wish you'd've done this for me when I was a kid.
Richie: But you didn't have a drug problem then.
Eli: Yeah, but it still would've meant a lot to me.

Second verse, same as the first

Guess who didn't shower today? Yes, it's me. I look like sh*t. My hair is matted down in parts, the result of sleeping on it. Maybe tomorrow I should try dragging my a** out of bed in enough time to properly prepare for work. Will the day ever come where I care enough that I put bathing as a priority?
Last night I met a few friends at the Cat & Fiddle and I've come to the conclusion (again) that I'm the laziest person I know. I couldn't even leave my house for an hour w/o feeling like I was going to die of exhaustion. I think I need more iron. Something, anything to give me some energy. I read these other blogs w/ tales of "what I did last night" and mine is the same everyday- I watched TV. I guess there's no point in me writing anything at all.
DUNST DUMPED GYLLENHAAL FOR BEING BORING ....bullsh*t. You take that back, you b*tch! Kirsten had this to say: "He's a stay-at-home boy. I'm an out-on-the-town girl." Are we talking about a member of young Hollywood or f*cking Mary Tyler Moore? "Out on the town" I hate you. And if this wasn't already obvious, I'd be happy to stay at home w/ Jake anytime. And make sweet love to him.
Reagan

When you're on, you're really f*cking on

I seriously f*cked up earlier today. I was supposed to get my boss directions to a set and I got the wrong street name, causing her to drive way past her point of exit. I mean, "havenhurst" and "edenhurst" sound the same, right? Maybe not on paper, but have a friend call you and say each word over the phone while a printer is running in the background. Now do you see? Anyway, I think she's pissed at me, hope it's not awkward when she gets back into the office.
The phones keep ringing and I can hear the receptionist down the hall laughing about something. Get back to your desk, I don't want to answer the f*cking phones!
My friend says I should make out with hot band boys at this concert I mentioned in my previous post. I want nothing more, but unfortunately I'm not cool enough to hook it up w/ the band. I mean, I just said "hook it up with the band"...very uncool. I just can't pull off the whole "uninterested" thing. I'm loud and annoying and watch the Disney channel. Plus, I get nervous around people I think are cooler than me. I guess that opens up for anyone to take offense when I don't get nervous around you. Take it as you will.
Right now I'm playing a game w/my friend Scott where we have to make a sentence or phrase where each words begins w/these letters: ATC RLN. It's lame and not at all entertaining. Here is mine: actors took cats running last night. See?
Okay, I just said possibly, if not definitely the lamest statement of my 24 3/4 yrs of life. And here it is: (talking over IM to Emily) "I'm over men, but I'd rather be under them". I hope someone else is as amused by this as I am. If not, then at least I'm laughing. At myself. Out loud.
Reagan

I don't want to wait for our lives to be over

Last night Ashley and I played a mean game of scrabble while watching season 2 of Dawson's Creek. It was wild. We've also become the girls who have a few drinks after a bad day...which is pretty much every day so I guess we're on the road to becoming raging alcoholics. I'm not worried, I never follow through with anything. I'm so f*cking excited. I just made the decision (actually, Ashley did by offering to spot me the money) to go to the KROQ Inland Invasion...Death Cab, The Killers, Franz Ferdinand, The Walkmen, and freakin' Morrissey. And Billy Idol. Now I'm in a good mood. Even though I hate outdoor concerts. I'll get over it. Okay, so this cracked me up...it's a heading from IMDB: "Nicky Hilton Confirms "Real, Meaningful" Marriage. I'm sure it is (shaking head in disagreement). I think any wedding party that involves Tara Reid automatically voids the marriage. Seriously. And speaking of Hilton, I was looking at these pictures of Paris from the Teen Choice Awards in In Touch and I have come to the conclusion that she's ugly. And back to Dawson's Creek...how hot is Katie Holmes? I think if I could make out w/ any girl, it would be her. Or if I could look like any girl, it would be her. Either way, it would be awesome.
Reagan

I wanna be sedated

I feel like I'm constantly making bad choices under the guise of "I don't care." Meaning: I don't care at the moment, but I'm gonna care the sh*t out of it later. For moments at a time, this "I don't care" allows me to let go of every thing...every feeling, every reservation, it goes away and a smile spreads across my face like I'm working up an evil plan in my head. But it's just me, letting it all go. Not caring. For a short, but sweet moment. Now I just need to transcend this moment into my entire life. Right now, I'm fuming about something I'd rather not discuss. I just don't feel like going into it. But I just need to find that thing that's going to make me smile and realize that it's not that big of a deal. That it's not worth really giving a f*ck about. I don't know. When I get in these moods, I feel like I just need to write it out. Maybe I should get a diary. Something pink w/ a lock.
Reagan

I think you're an 8 or a 9, maybe a 9 1/2 in 4 beers time

I just saw this car that made my heart beat fast. I'm not much of a car person, meaning I don't know a lot about them, I just know what they look like on the outside and whether I think they're pretty or not. But I just saw this 1983 Mercedes for sale and I'm in love. I can't really describe it, but I liked what I saw and that's enough for me. Unfortunately, I'm poor and it also has 171,000 miles, so it would be a completely impractical purchase. But I just thought I'd mention it anyway.
I think it's funny when you see someone who you first met when you were drunk but the second time you're sober...well, I think it's funny how different they look. Sometimes it's like they're a completely different person. I met this one guy and in my head remembered him being very attractive, in this geeky sort of way (the way I like it) but when I saw him again, maybe it was that I was able to really analyze him and notice his flaws but the image in my head didn't match up to reality. I always say I don't want to be judged on my looks but on my personality (sounds like something an ugly person would say, right?) but I guess I just want a fair shot b/c I know how people can become more attractive to you the more you know them. Unfortunately, looks come first and personality follows. The guy, the one I mentioned two sentences ago, dresses like he's 14. This is one thing I noticed. But he's really funny, so that should count for something. Judge others lest ye be judged, that's the saying. But everyone does this and if you're thinking "I don't, I'm not like that" then you're lying. It's human nature. So I guess I shouldn't think I'm a bad person for thinking this way, but I also can't get angry or hurt when I'm judged in the same way. People might not like the way I dress. Or the way I part my hair. Where did I get that- is it from a song?
So I'm trying to tell a friend how much this guy sucks. I want her to know that she is such an amazing person who should be put on a pedastool by any guy who's lucky enough to date her, to get the honor of spending time with her. B/c I know how much fun she is to hang out with- there's basically not a thing about her that's not interesting. To this, I'm sure she'll roll her eyes or say "pshaw" (I highly doubt the pshaw thing). I know it's much easier to give advice when it's not you. B/c if it were me, I wouldn't listen to any of this and I would just wallow in my own self pity. But sometimes that can be fun (by fun, I mean horrible) too. A little wine, a little crying induced via sad music or a sad movie. It's the bad times that make the good times that much better.
Reagan

I'm okay with being unimpressive

Good morning. I've decided to try to be in a good mood this week. So this is me, being in a good mood. This weekend I had a guest in town. Normally, this would be stressful to me, trying to come up with fun stuff to do and what not. But Pankti is so easy going, she didn't really care what we did. Therefore, neither did I. After I picked her up from the airport Friday night, we went to an old co-worker's party. Bad idea. There are reasons I didn't join a sorority, so why would I want to hang out with a bunch of people who represent everything I hate. As my friend Kathy said, "All the girls were wearing the same shirt." It's true- I couldn't tell one apart from the other. I tried to make the best of it, put in the obligatory 30 mins before leaving. But after I told some girl I liked her earrings and she looked at me like I had two heads before replying curtly "They're not mine" I decided 10 mins was enough time. So we left and went to Mat's house, which we didn't get to until 1 am b/c it's a long a** trek from Santa Monica to Silverlake. When we got there, everyone was trashed b/c they'd been drinking since 9 and I was sober as a judge (I've never used this saying before, thought I might try it out). So we agreed to walk to get food with them, never found a place, and returned an hour later. Sounds uneventful, but it was an amusing evening, if nothing else. Saturday we ate at one of my favorite restuarants, The Terrace in Marina Del Rey then walked down Venice looking at random crap and people watching. Then we went to see "Garden State" since Pankti wanted to see it and it hasn't opened in Houston yet. It was even better the second time (which is rare, usually I notice flaws the second viewing) and I now want Zach Braff more than ever. It's so unfortunate that it will never be...though I will stick to my mantra: "I know if he met me, he'd really be into my sh*t". I'm going to stop w/ the play by play of my weekend, b/c frankly it's boring. I'm sure I'll write more later when I have something to say. Or I'm bored.
Reagan

Sex stories...it's not what you think

I don't know why, but my hands are shaking. I feel very frustrated for no reason. Sure, before I left for lunch everyone and everything was pissing me off, but now I'm just sitting here, chatting w/ Emily, eating my sandwich....in theory, relaxing. But I can't calm down. I need to laugh.
Oh wait, here's something. My new obsession, the Weekly World News website. I love it! I decided to check out their section accurately labeled "Sex" and found these amazing stories.
1) The Boob-onic Plague: "A new disease that whittles large breasts down into teensy nubs not much bigger than mosquito bites!" Now all you have is your personality...oh, wait.
2) Improve your sex life- the Amish way: "Their approach to sex is very old-fashioned -- just standard missionary position, with no fancy bells and whistles." No bells? No whistles? How will they know when it's time to start?
3) Miracle shirt turns losers into babe magnets: "Girls would laugh at my skinny body and my eyeglasses. Then I found this incredible shirt, and it's like Saturday Night Fever every night." Maybe if you stopped using the term "Saturday Night Fever" they wouldn't laugh at you....I'm just saying.
4) Found! Saddam's Love Diaries: "He also talks a little about Robert, the chimp that he and Saddam took under their wings and have been treating like a son since they professed their love for one another in a gay wedding last fall." I didn't receive my invitation. I'm not going to lie, I'm a little hurt.
5) Horny Pelican mistakes man with big nose for his female: "It was awful -- a nightmare . . . I wished I was dead...All I wanted to do was throw some stale bread to the catfish swimming around in Tampa Bay" Next time, maybe you shouldn't dress like such a whore...I mean, really, you were asking for it.
Reagan

Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills

I think girls (generally speaking) need to stop worrying so much about what the guy is thinking. (Side note: at what age will I stop using the word "girls" and start using "women"...I'm not ready, not now). Most of the time, I doubt they're really thinking anything. My friend is worried about emailing this guy about her earrings she left at his place last night. She doesn't want to be "that girl"- the one who will use any excuse to write him. Or see him again. But you know what....sometimes you really do leave your earrings behind, completely by accident. It happened to me somewhat recently. I thought about saying "f*ck it, they were cheap earrings anyway." But I liked them, I wanted them back, so I called him and said I was coming to get them. And for some reason, this makes me feel empowered. To tell you the truth, I've never left something behind in hopes of seeing a guy again. I'm not that tricky. Here's how I operate (in case anyone gives a sh*t): I do what I want (in terms of emaling, calling, any kind of contact), then immediately assume the worst. "They won't call me back" "They won't want to see me again" It's sick, I tell you. B/c why should I assume this? I think I'm a good person when it comes down to it, I like to have fun, I don't take everything too seriously, I'm funny, etc.... I also know I'm a little (understatment) high strung and OCD and nervous and paranoid, etc...but everyone has their thing(s). I don't care who knows this about me, I guess it just takes finding that person who likes me in spite of these "flaws". And I can't care if someone doesn't call me back. B/c honestly, it has nothing to do with me. You have to get to know me before deciding you don't like me. Then I can take it personally.
Reagan

As a little bonus, here's a quote from "Napoleon Dynamite"

Uncle Rico: So how are things going with you and your girlfriend?
Kip: Well, I think it's getting pretty serious. We chat online for like two hours a day so yeah, you could say it's getting pretty serious.

I'm not a girl, not yet a mother

If you haven't seen the cover of People this week, I highly recommend you check it out. This was my reaction as I casually passed by it in the grocery store: "Oh. My. God." The cover is a picture of Britney Spears, her fiance, and his daughter. I have never seen a more unnatural looking picture in my life. I'm not even kidding, I'm going to frame it. Britney looks so uncomfortable as she's leaning in towards the little girl, who's eyes have the expression of a deer in headlights (I know, I just made fun of a 2 yr old). She wouldn't be so scared if she knew all the cool things her new mommy will buy her...well, at least for the 6 mos she's married to daddy (that's a generous estimation of their wedded bliss). Anyway, it really amused the f*ck out of me...hope you get a kick out of it as well. http://people.aol.com/people/mag/0,19935,,00.html
Reagan

Your youngest son used my gel!

Check it out people. www.hottigotti.com Hilarious. As a certain someone said (you know who you are) in reference to John (middle son and author of the title quote), "he's the cutest...it's our little joke!" Who said I was joking? Mobster-in-training or not, I think we could really have something here. Call me when you're 18.
Reagan

Laughing out loud

According to the Weekly World News website, Bill Clinton has set his sights on the Olsen twins. In the best fake quote ever, an anonymous friend (shocker) claimed that after their 18th birthday, Clinton said, 'O.K., it's time to get jiggy with them!' But wait....there's more. Also, according to his friend (same one? or another anonymous source? How many people know about this???), Clinton told him, 'Since they're actresses, I want them to help me act out my Twin Cheerleaders and The Lumberjack fantasies.' Lumberjack fantasies? Apparantly, you can take the boy out of Arkansas, but you can't take the Arkansas out of the boy. And his explanation for his Olsen obsession: 'I can't help it. I've got Olsen Fever!' You and me both, my friend. You and me both. Of course, mine has more to do with jealousy and intrigue rather than wanting to make them part of my twin cheerleader fantasy (in mine, the cheerleaders die in a tragic pyramid accident). But that's neither here nor there. I just want Bill (we're close, I can call him by his first name) to know, that he's not alone. There are many other older men out there who want to screw the Olsen twins.
Reagan

Make me your b*tch

There's no need for me to even write about what I did last night...just refer to my post from yesterday. Being completely broke really limits your social options, as I have learned. This will all change on Friday and for one blissful weekend, I will live like I am made of money. Then on Monday, the whole broke thing will start all over again. This is how I do it. No one in the office has made coffee yet...sure, I could do it myself...or I could just wait for someone else to do it. We have so much junk food in the kitchen right now: candy, popcorn (covered in chocolate, to make it extra fatty and extra good), mini muffins, pie, donuts, cookies...and the list goes on. It takes all the willpower I can muster to avoid binge eating the whole lot. I love when my boss is rude to me for no goddamn reason. It really makes me feel like working my a** off. I had a dream last night that I went off on her...I asked her why she feels the need to take this b*tchy tone with me all the time. Sadly, I need this job to pay the rent so I'm stuck just taking it. I feel like I have to swallow my pride every day. Luckily, I don't think I had that much when I started this job. Will it ever get better? I can't forsee a day when I won't have to deal with this bullsh*t. I think I'm in the wrong business.
Reagan

Singing with your eyes closed

I read this article about rejection in "Self" as I was blow-drying my hair this morning. B/c my hair is so thick, I get bored, so I read. Just turn my head upside down and let the dryer do it's magic. Okay, back to topic at hand. Basically, it talked about how fear of rejection can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. I have heard this before from numerous friends, to which my reply has always "bullsh*t". Maybe I've been wrong all this time. I mean, if "Self" says it's so, then it must be so. If anything, I shouldn't be putting such negative thoughts out into the universe. But then, what would I talk about? I've decided to conquer these issues with a new mantra...or maybe a theme song. Something power ballad-ish. Nothing pumps me up more than a little song called "Open Arms." Thanks Journey for making singing with your eyes closed a little bit cooler.
Reagan

Hump day

Last night I layed around in the dark...alone...watching a movie. Sounds normal enough, right? It was actually v. depressing. Maybe I should have kept the lights on. I also think the movie had a bit to do with that...it was called "Levity" and it was just really f*cking grim. Dark colors, slow pacing, themes of redemption and forgiveness. Not really a "lift your spirits" type of film. Even though I was ready to pass out at 8, I kept on trucking, watching a series of bad television shows. Funniest moment of the night: Ashley and I were talking after she got home from work and I had left TBS on after watching an edited version of "Sex and the City" and we start watching the very end of "Outback Jack"- the moment where he chooses who he loves most. Or who he'd most like to bone repeatedly. Did I just say bone? Anyway, he rejects one girl, who then tries with all her might to look upset, but being the kind of actress that would do reality TV, she's not that convincing. Then it cuts to him with the winner. They say some things to each other, probably something like "I never thought I could fall in love with someone in a month while I was dating 20 other women at the same time. It really helped that you have the body of a porn star." Then they walk down the beach towards the water...into the sunset...ready to start their life together. Okay, here's the amusing thing- as the camera pans out, it shows that the other girl, the "loser" if you will, standing right there, watching them walk away, still trying to force a tear out. To this, Ashley quipped "She probably heard their whole conversation, she was just on the other side of the rock." Somehow this isn't as funny as it was last night and it's pretty much what I built up this entire story to say, so sorry if it's disappointing. But it made me laugh. A lot. When I got home last night, there was an envelope which read "New key for rubbish can." Rubbish? Really? B/c last I remember my landlord wasn't British. The word is garbage- don't try to spice it up with your fancy lingo. Okay, enough of this nonsense.
Reagan

This is the definition of my life

No matter how busy I've been today, no matter how much sh*t I've had to do, I still make time for my head to wonder/wander about things in my personal life. I let it roam out of control, creating the most paranoid assumptions for why something did or did not happen. I may call it paranoia, but I really think it's insight into how people really are. I'm just that intuitive. Or f*cked up. I'm ready for this day to end. Hmmm...what will I do this fine evening? I guess I could work on planning my future. It's time for another one of those phases, it's been at least 2 weeks, right? Maybe I could make a 5 year plan? God, I don't know what I'll be doing next week, much lesss in 5 years. Out of boredom and not wanting to do any more work, here's a few questions I need to ask myself in order to get a jump start on the road to success:
1) Will my resume stand out above the rest? Hasn't been updated in ages. It's still that fresh out of college version, in which I used the thesaurus to replace every word with something even better to the point that my job at McDonald's (unfortunately, it's true) sounded like a position at the UN.
2) What do I want to do (career-wise) with my life? How can I look for a new job if I don't know what I'm looking for? I want to work in entertainment (like the other 99% of the poplulation in LA...I'm such a cliche), but I don't want to work in an ego-based environment...can these two things be mutually exclusive?
3) How many kids do I want to have and when do I want to have them? These are very important questions. Do I want 2? 4? 10? Do I want them now or when I'm 35? Girls, boys, or both? Names...oh f*ck, names!!! How can I do anything without making these decisions right now?
4) When do I want to get married? Maybe this should come before the kid question. I'll love the little tykes, even if they are all bastards. But I'm not sure if marriage is for me. I have an irrational fear of divorce...irrational b/c my parents and most of my friends parents are still together. I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone I've met thus far in my life. Maybe I should start settling for someone soon...before I'm a pathetic singleton mixing with the smug marrieds.
5) When do I want to retire? If I want to plan for a healthy financial future, I need to think about this. RIGHT NOW! Should I open a Roth IRA? Can I even do that with my credit? Wait, do I even know what a Roth IRA is? If I keep smoking, will I even live past my retirement...and what about the children?
Okay, so there you go, my life plan in 5 steps. Now all I need is 5 answers. I'll have to get back to you.
Reagan

You better slow down before you go down

This woman keeps calling and bugging the sh*t out of me. I actually had to take a tone with her. And you don't want that from me. No sir/ma'am... you do not. My "tone" will make you feel like less than a person. It's like a forceful gust of wind that will knock the phone right out of your hand. F*ck. While I was typing this, two more people called and pissed me off. I hate you all. I'm going to talk about something else now. Last night I had the saddest of all dinners...crackers. I think they feed you better in prison. At least there you get a tray sectioned off with different food groups (actually all that comes to mind is mashed potatoes). I think...I only know from the movies, not personal experience. Today I have $1 which I will use to get a Subway sandwich, thanks to their little stamp system. I have completely filled out a card...now I only have to purchase a drink to reap the benefits. Time has stopped. It's been 10:40 for the past 10 minutes. I look forward to the days when I don't have to work, like when I'm 80. And probably in a retirement home. And complaining about how my kids don't come visit me. Those little bastards, I gave them everything! That's okay, I'll just talk to other people's kids. That's a depressing thought. FYI...the title is my new favorite quote, c/o Emily who stole it from someone else. I like things that rhyme. I don't really know what context I can use this in...I guess maybe if I wanted to kick someon's a**. Please, I'm about as tough as a Furbie. We all know I'd use Ashley for self defense purposes...she's 5'2" of pure fury. Espcially when she invokes the dragon.
Reagan

I'll wait for you...forever

It's time for my stalker post of the week/day/hour, etc. Here's the topic: Zach Braff & Natalie Portman. And the question: Is it true? Are they dating? My heart breaks a little b/c if he's with Bonnie Sommerville, it's like I still have a chance. B/c she's just a TV guest star glorified by a relationship with the love of my life (or of the moment). But Natalie Portman...I mean, it's f*cking Queen Amidala. No matter how much the movies suck, she's still a Queen, she still had her white jumpsuite onesie ripped into a Britney Spears-esque outfit during a penultimate battle sequence, causing my friend Walter to cheer a little bit. And me to let out a "Are you kidding me?" to the aggressive shushing of the dedicated fan filled audience. Okay, went off on a bit of a tangent...basically what it comes down to is Portman trumps Sommerville. Always. And where does that leave me?
Reagan

Why do something when you can do nothing?

I did what I had planned to do this weekend- nothing. Well, I did see Cary Brothers on Friday, then we went to the Cat & Fiddle afterwards, where I proceeded to get crazy drunk. But not in the making a scene sort of intoxicated, more in the having an extremely long conversations about nothing sort of alcohol induced quasi-rant. Good times. Saturday I did nothing, b/c that's what I had planned to do and b/c I was super hungover. I was only exposed to sunlight when I went to get food...or when my blinds blew open due to a sudden gust of wind. I did watch "City of God" that night...which I loved. So that made me feel a little sense of accomplishment, actually watching one of my Netflix orders. Sunday, I played housewife, as Ashley worked and I did our laundry (4 loads...and there's still more to be done) and cleaned the apt. So I spent my day watching Celebrity Blackjack until Six Feet Under, then became addicted to a new show, Growing up Gotti. Why do I love these reality shows? Why!!! I'm so ashamed. I'm actually hanging my head down in disappointment as I type. This show, about Victoria Gotti and her 3 sons, isn't even that great. It's just the boys fighting and acting like little goombah's (sp?) while Victoria talks about how hard it is to be a single mom through a voice over. But I watched it, like the sucker I am. I can't wait until next weekend when I have money. Though I enjoyed being a lazy a**....it made coming back to work more depressing than usual. I need more coffee.
Reagan

I bid you adieu

Before I leave this evening, in 23 mins (fingers crossed), I wanted to tell all of you out there- yes, even you- to have a wonderful weekend. I've gone past utter discontent and into a state of euphoria at the realization that I now only have 22 mins (in theory) until freedom. I will glide out the door as if I'm walking on air and spread my arms open wide before leaping off the back steps, where I'll hit the ground running towards my piece of sh*t, bane of my existence car. So I may not be able to "eat" anything this weekend other than what I can find hidden in the back corners of my pantry...I might not be able to "drink" anything alcoholic unless I use use that small bottle of rum my coworker brought me back from Puerto Villarta...but irregardless (is this a word or is it just "regardless"), I will enjoy myself, b/c I have set no expectations.
15 mins...and now I have work to do. F*ck.
Reagan

Check this sh*t out

Everyone must listen to this guy's song "Winter" at www.joshuaradin.com
It's amazing. It makes me smile and want to cry at the same time. What's better than that?
Reagan

Just another day on the border of Burbank

I don't know what radio station the receptionist is listening to (it's coming through the phone!!!) but I hear Kimberly Locke's "8th World Wonder" about 5 times a day. That's 5 times too many. That's right Matt, I said it. In case you're wondering, she was a finalist on American Idol...I was addicted like the rest of the masses. But I won't take it any further than watching the show- I won't be buying a Clay Aiken CD...nobody can call me a "Claymate." Enough with that. I'm ready for this day to be over and for it to officially be the weekend. My plans: 1) Cary Brothers @ Hotel Cafe tonight 2) Beach or movie tomorrow (are your reading this Ashley?) 3) Abso-f*cking-lutely nothing on Sunday. I didn't get a break last weekend, what with the last minute trip to Vegas and all. Me staying in is also a result of me having no money. None. Zip. Zilch. I've said this before, but I really want to drive the point home that I'm broke, and not in my usual way meaning I just can't go all out. Netflix has brought me: Demonlover, City of God, and one more that hasn't arrived. My co-worker's neice just brought me a story to read...sure it had some grammar mistakes and some of it didn't make much sense, but I'm sure she'll improve in due time. *Note: She's 8. I wish I was 8...then I wouldn't be at work, I'd probably be playing somewhere, maybe alone, maybe with some other kids, who knows? But it would be a hell of a lot better than this. I talk a lot of sh*t about working, but I could have it a lot worse. I could be doing manual labor. I shudder at the thought.

I can't fight this feeling anymore

Ashley's post inspired what I'm about to write. I could have just written a comment, but I feel like I wanted to say more. In case you haven't read it, I'm going to sum up the topic as so: Happiness. There are moments in my life where I feel truly content with everything. I can remember them, which is strange b/c it never involved a big event as a landmark in my memory. One example that comes to mind- Thanksgiving break a few years agoa at my friend Katie's house. I had gone back to Longview even though my parents had moved to Austin and it was so great to see Katie, Emily, Derrick, Eric, and a few random others all together again. This hadn't been the case in a while. Instead of going out, we were all just sitting around making each other laugh until we cried. Nothing else mattered at that moment, our only purpose was to one up the previous person's statement with something even funnier until that one person said something completely ridiculous that ended the cycle. And if I remember correctly, some guy named John told a really long story that strived unsuccessfully to be funny, except that it made us laugh at how not funny it was. I remember this, but I wonder if at the time, I knew that I was happy, that I actually thought in my head, "I'm really happy right now". But now happiness scares the sh*t out of me. In my twisted mind, I think that it's an indicator that something bad is going to happen. Like whoever or whatever controls the universe is just setting me up. This makes me think of whenever I'm in car with a bunch of people and we're all laughing, maybe singing, but genuinely having a good time, it reminds me of the moment right before a car crash. Maybe it's afterschool specials that have conditioned me to think this way. As I see it right now, if I let myself completely inhabit any happy thoughts, I'm only setting myself up for disappointment. I'm sure this explains a lot. Why I can seem manic at times, b/c I'm constantly fighting feelings of satisfaction with feelings of meloncholy. I think that maybe I should just let myself completely feel whatever emotion comes naturally, to accept being in a good place, and not worry what might or might not happen. At least then I can take in a little of the pleasure of these positive feelings. What it comes down to is this: I need to chill the f*ck out.
Reagan

Don't waste your time reading this

The day has barely started and I'm already bored. 10 am, 8 hours to go. 3 hours until lunch. My normal morning routine (not involving any actual work I have to do) involves checking my email, reading blogs (you people are slacking, I want a new post first thing in the morning), writing in my blog (right now, I have nothing to say, as you can see), looking around at random websites (not so inspired to do that at the moment), then just sitting here IM'ing people, talking about absolutely nothing. Every now and then I'll get in to a really interesting conversation, one where I don't want to stop talking and at a pivotal point I suddenly have work to do. Today my friend J (to maintain his anonymity) was talking about how he hasn't had "the sex" in forever and I reply with "I hear you. I go for months at a time...it sucks"...but in the wrong box. Instead of replying to J, I sent it to a co-worker. I wonder if he knows what I was referring to-is it obvious? Hmmm...interesting. It's like the other day when the receptionist accidently wrote to me this statement: "jesus saves and ryan kills". Followed by "oops" as if I didn't already realize this was a mistake. I still need to ask her about that, I'm very curious. Maybe I'll go do that right now.
Reagan

She touched you where???

Mary Kay Letourneau is free! Time for children to rejoice in the streets. In college, my friends and I got together to watch the Lifetime movie w/ Penelope Ann Miller (Where do you go as an actress after Big Top Pee Wee?) and we inappropriately joked that the theme of our quasi-party should be "Come as your favorite pedophile". No one dressed up.
Reagan

We'll always have Paris

While at my friend Jenny's house last night, I began perusing her copy of this weeks US (a treat for me, since I only buy In Touch- it's cheaper and offers pretty much the same information). In this said magazine, I came across an interview with Paris Hilton re: her breakup with Mr. Nick Carter. Honestly, I could care less, but I read on anyway. And this is what made me laugh out loud (LOL for you IM'ers)- she said that after she broke up with him (over the phone, mind you) she went to the Kabballah center and got a new bracelet. What? I'm confused. Now I know all it takes to get a piece of red string is a trip to your nearest Target. Or yarn store. But the thought that she went to the center, told her sob story, and a group of people (this is how I imagine it) decreed that she deserved a new bracelet...well, this, this is weird. Isn't it? It's like instant salvation. I don't know much about Kabballah, but is it a religion, a way of life, what? I guess I just don't get the whole bracelet earning process. And frankly, I doubt I'm going to look into it. What if they suck me in? I don't want to drink the kool-aid! Okay, I'm done with that. In other news, I didn't sleep well last night. I was tossing and turning and about 5 in the morning, just decided to lay on my back and stare at the ceiling. What was I thinking about? I can't remember, but I bet it was profound, like pondering human existence or what I'll look like when I lose 5 more lbs or why fat free milk always seems to go bad quicker than 2 %. I always wonder what other people think about. Ashley and I asked that question (to each other) in regards to our landlord. All she does is sweep our apt complex, all day, every day. What's going on in that crazy head of hers? Last night as I sat on the steps smoking a cigarette, I could feel her eyes piercing the back of my head with every flick of the ash. As for me, I'm usually thinking about myself. Well, something going on in my life. I think that's normal, right? If not, then I guess I'm just self-centered. I'm almost 25, it's too late for me to change.
Reagan

Turn around bright eyes

Why am I so obsessed with posting sh*t? As soon as I have nothing to do at work, I turn to you, my sweet, sweet blog. You'll never leave me, right? I invited my friend Tim to come hang out at my apartment tonight, but somehow he didn't find this very appealing. Maybe it's the fact that I said, "I have no money, so the only thing we can do is sit at my apartment." I should have built it up or at least used a little inflection in my voice. "Let's hang out at my apartment!" That would have done the trick. I have "Total Eclipse of the Heart" on rotation in my head. Turn around... Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you're never coming 'round...I don't mind it so much. It's the Bonnie Tyler version, not that remake from the mid-90's. I can't afford to go out and that depresses me. Many of my plans are being affected by the fact that I'm broke. Like my plan to eat. I literally rationed soup last night, I told myself I couldn't eat the entire can, that I had to save some for tonight. I should use this week to read the book Ashley and I chose for our first official book club. It's only official in the sense that I just called it official, we don't have a creed or emblem or anything fancy like that. The book is "You shall know our velocity" by Dave Eggers. I love this guy, loved HWOSG, as the cool kids call it. I also love his "And now a less informed opinion" articles in Spin. I remember when I read HWOSG, I had such a crush on him, I loved his writing style, I found him funny and endearing and loved that he could be such an a**hole. I just used "love" 4 times. That's sad, I obviously don't hold much value in the word. I need to start obsessing over real people, real in the sense that I actually know them. Or maybe not obsess at all.
Reagan

They all get them out for the boys in the band

I wish I had money right now b/c I really want to go on a massive CD shopping spree. Just buy anything I come across that I might like. Right now, I really want: The Streets and the Garden State Soundtrack. I'm all over Iron & Wine's cover of "Such Great Heights." I'm playing it in my head right now. It's nice. I had a dream that I was hanging out with Ben Kweller, it was so realistic. I woke up actually thinking we were friends. For a second. You know whose face I'm sick of...Lindsay Lohan. As a friend said not so recently, "When did she become famous?" Well, now it seems obvious since she's all over the place- crappy movies, magazines, MTV movie awards, Wilmer Valderamma's c*ck, etc. But seriously, how did "Freaky Friday" and "Mean Girls" make her a superstar? I think she's taken a note from Britney Spears on how to skyrocket your popularity- take a slutty picture for Rolling Stone. Maybe the cover isn't that bad, but check out the inside pic. "Hi, I'm going to push my boobs together so that more people can talk about the fact that I may or may not have gotten breast implants. I'll still deny it and act clueless as to why people are obsessed with my boobs. I just want to be a pedophile's wet dream- is that so wrong?" I know what you're probably thinking- I'm jealous. Well, f*ck yeah I'm jealous, so there, I won't deny it. I just don't get her appeal- her movies suck and she's not that interesting. The whole Lolita thing has been done before. And "Mean Girls" wasn't funny. You heard me, I said it. This is pathetic. I need to move on. Here are the top 5 people I want to sleep with at the moment: 1) Jake G. (he's a permanent fixture on the list) 2) Zach Braff (shocker) 3) Adrian Grenier (as I've said, old obsession made new again) 4) Deigo Luna (I want to dirty dance in his havana nights...what?) 5) Johnny Depp (another permanent list-maker) If anyone knows any of these people and think they might want to do it with me, let me know. Tell them I'm really fun and I won't make them spoon me.
Reagan

Tra la la la

So apparantly I need more to eat than a can of Ralph's brand lower calorie pears, b/c I'm freakin' starving right now. I went searching through the office for something to eat, anything. I found a jolly rancher. And I ate it. Didn't even suck really, just started biting into it. Not a good idea, I'm sure dentists everywhere are cringing. Then I found the holy grail of snacks...pretzels filled with peanut butter. And I ate them all. I'm not kidding, finished the damn container. And didn't even throw it away. I'm ready to leave this office and go home, where Ashley and I will then hike Runyan Canyon in an attempt to a) get physical and b) possibly see Jake G. who has been spotted there a number of times around 730 in the evening. I swear, I'm not a stalker. Stalker's are much more motivated, we've been over this. As you can probably tell, I'm in a much better mood now. Don't know what changed. Maybe it was Emily saying something funny about someone I'm not too fond of so that I could laugh at their expense. I think that's what started it.
R.

I feel like I'm headed for a breakdown

I can't handle phone calls today. I'm being such a b*tch. I don't feel like small talk. Tell me what you want/need and let's be done with it. I want to scream/cry. Like this scene in Garden State. It seems so therapeutic. I'm not exactly sure of the reason for these feelings. Some ideas: 1) Exhaustion from the weekend and an extreme lack of desire to be at work right now 2) Disappoinment in my handling of a certain situation I'd rather not go into right now. Actually, I will go into it (that didn't take long). I've never been the type of person who does the hook up thing then expects a phone call. I know how it works. But I hooked up. And waited for the phone call. And am now disappointed by the end result. It makes me question the kind of person I'm turning into. I don't think I like it. I'm feeling bitter. It's a waste of energy to feel this way. I don't want to talk to anyone right now. The sound of people in my office conversing is killing me. Laughter is like someone hooking up electric shocks to my nipples. I just made myself laugh, that's good. How can I be bitter while smiling? Wait, wasn't that what I'm trying to avoid? Oy, confusion. I'm in a funk and I need to get out of it. I'm only eating a can of pears for lunch. The reasoning behind this is two-fold: 1) I'm out of food 2) I need to detox from all the crap I ate this weekend (buffet...need I say more?). Someone just asked me to fax something. I don't want to do it. I don't want to move. I want to close my eyes and drift away. Only 20 minutes until lunch. Maybe the second half of the day won't suck as much.
Reagan

...stays in Vegas

Cont'd.
3. Even though I initially had a little luck with the gambling (turning $10 into $20 is like water into wine- for me, it's that much of a miracle), my luck ended abruptly when my flip flop broke on our way to the strip (after our 5 hour nap to reinvigorate ourselves). I loved those flip flops, they'd been my favorite pair of shoes for the past 4 years. I actually could cry over them right now, but I won't. Be strong Reagan! Sometimes I need a little encouragement, even if it's from myself. So, I ended up wearing Guiseppe's Adidas slides the rest of the trip. Are those things supposed to be comfortable, with the little pokey things on the bottom? What's their purpose- I don't get it. Instead of buying a new pair of shoes, I suffered through the pain w/ a lot of complaining. A lot. But like hell I was going to buy new shoes. I only had $15, I wasn't wasting it on a pair of gaudy flip flops from a gift shop.
4. On Sunday, we ate lunch at a place in Hard Rock and afterwards decided to do some last minute gambling. After I lost my last $6 on a stupid poker machine, I decided to pulse out $20, just to play a little more. "I won't lose more that $10" I thought. I won't let that happen. So I went to the same machine I'd played the day before (where again I turned $10 into $20...damn, I'm good) and put in my $20. I hit a button and all of the sudden, I'd bet all of my money on one hand. Black Jack. And I lost. All of it. In two seconds. I almost cried. For those of you who know the truth, there was no "almost" about it. I'm still pissed.
5. When Alisa quickly packed a suitcase for the trip, she grabbed 6 pair of underwear for a one day trip. This is what a drunk person thinks about while packing. Amusing. She also luckily got deodarant (important) and some extra tops (very important seeing as how the one I was wearing reeked of cigarettes and general nastiness).
This is all I can remember about the trip right now. Probably all that's worth mentioning. And I don't feel like writing anymore. This was a waste of time, it doesn't sound very interesting in writing.
Reagan

What happens in Vegas...

At 4 in the morning on Saturday, Alisa, Mike, Lisa, Guiseppe, and myself decided to head to Vegas. Was alcohol involved in this decision, you wonder? Why yes, indeed it was. Copious amounts of alcohol, to be a little more descriptive. And to allow me to use the word "copious". B/c I don't want to torture anyone with a long detailed account of the weekend, I decided to provide you with a few highlights from this impromptu trip (in no particular order)
1. At our hotel, they were having what I initially thought was a video game convention by the look of the attendees and it's title, "Defcon." Was actually a computer convention, which I discovered after chatting up this guy sitting next to me on the couch while I awaited entrance into our suite. Scariest sight: One of the goth nerds, a woman just under 200 lbs, was by the pool wearing a thong bathing suit fashioned like a spider web. After seeing this, I proclaimed, "I've gone temporarily blind." I wasn't kidding.
2. After finding a hotel, we went to the Sahara for their cheap tables and a little breakfast. One word: ham-steak (Is that one word? I used a dash?) Another word: disgusting. I however opted for the omelette, which was borderline inedible, key word being borderline b/c I still ate the entire thing- what can I say, I was hungover and starving, at this point I would have eaten cardboard. After breakfast, we played a little black jack...where I doubled my money. Sure, I doubled it from $10 to $20, but hey, I'm typically an unlucky person and it payed for my breakfast.
F*ck. I'm tired and now I'm busy. The list will continue...do not worry, my little friends.
Reagan